This little bit swam out of an issue that one of my folks had with another of my folks; I amused myself in the service of (of course) stalling on the main piece of actual writing. (I realize that this is the sort of thing that the class of people addressed herein like to circulate; if so, I will be inordinately flattered, but please give me credit. My ex-husband was much amused to find one of his forwarded to him the following year.)

Partner Reformatting alert!

As a result of improper installation of malware, Partner accounts “yo-yo” and “martyr” have been permanently shut down, and cannot be re-opened by any hacking whatsoever. Similarly, process DOORMAT has been identified as a rootkit and subsequently been eliminated. Previous industry tools such as SulKing and Passive Aggression will no longer be supported

Your temporary new password is “i’m_over_it” and can be used to access the Partner server for the next week. At that time, if you have not confirmed your password, the server will be flushed; your data will be regarded as abandonwarez; no further downloads will be available; and the operating system will be considered to be freely distributable.

Warning: After reformat, future system privileges will NOT be granted to those who have used Partner improperly in the past, including those who have failed to abide by the previously established end-user agreement. The system’s definitions are current, and armed against back-door attacks.

Should you decide to rescue your data–which, after all, represents a significant amount of programming time and disk space–it is imperative that you first use an anti-virus program to delete any ongoing processes which conflict and interfere with the extant OS.  Some offending third-party vendors have been identified, such as CoffeeHouse, GamingNight, Gym, and WorkingReallyLate. (Note that this last has been identified as the source of a currently running applet, which has been detected as a hijacker in the past, and should be appropriately isolated.)

These vendors have been known to encourage the proliferation of Trojans which users operate in the naivete that they are doing nothing wrong. Please be advised that the Partner sys-op has an excellent program which will infiltrate any malicious Trojans that red-flag that they have been improperly applied.

New code guidelines: It is vital to observe proper mapping of the overall network’s peer-to-peer and parent-child relationships, and to maintain the structure of your personal partition so as to increase usability by others.  Failing to pay attention to such details imposes unacceptable server loads which might cause Partner to crash without warning: Sometimes all data needs to be massaged, and a little preventive maintenance goes a long way.

The sysop encourages you to re-examine your current algorithms and run a debug, in order to identify such random processes as conflicting firewalls, false negatives, and other vulnerabilities.  An excellent aid would be The Heuristic Executables Repurposing And Programming Integrated Systems Theory package, which would also offer protection against such malware in the future.

Thank you,

Partner Sys-op