(Perhaps Obligatory Disclaimer: I myself am a Person of Color and I own no Confederate flags.)
Before Barack Obama, people just called certain other people niggers and got on with they bad selves. Now, some (*psst* half) black dude inherits a country teetering after eight years of Republican-engineered doom–and we can’t use the N-word anymore. Well, shit.
But we can say “entitlement people!” Hell yeah!
We haven’t started putting the elderly out to die of exposure yet; and the last time I looked, throwing wheelchairs down the Porter Square escalator was still frowned upon. So despite the looming threat of Social Security being dismantled, for common trolling purposes, “entitlement person” doesn’t really mean them, per se.
It means, of course, Tawanda and DuShawn. Tawanda has two of DuShawn’s kids and two others from Keval and Jerome. She hasn’t married any of them, and none of them pay child support, because Keval is a pothead and Jerome and DuShawn are in jail. Tawanda has two-inch air-brushed nails and lets her kids stay up until 11 before she heads out to the club. She gets food stamps which lets her eat at McDonalds, and free housing in a project building filled with other people just like her. She has a weave and wears skimpy clothes which she’s busting out of like one of the People of Walmart.
And (unlike the 90% of the rest of the Deserving and Hard-Working) she has a cell phone! (It is kind of funny watching her text–in Urban, of course–with those nails.) The kids’ noses aren’t wiped, and they’re into everything, until she screams at them without following through on any of her threats. She has a stroller that doubles as a small Cadillac which is big enough to almost completely block the aisle of the average bus. Her voice is very loud, and she can be heard complaining about them people down to the welfare office.
But at least she’s only dealing a little drugs, because DuShawn is with a gang. He spends half his money on fly boxer shorts, because his pants ride very low. He carries a gun, has low-quality diamonds in the caps on his teeth–and sells crack in the doorways of those damned free-rent buildings. He has six kids and brags about his women and his manhood; he’s been on Maury twice. He sweet-talks the woman of the moment into supporting him and refuses to wear a condom, because if she really loves him, she’ll have his baby to prove it. Right now he’s in jail for aggravated assault, but he’ll be out in two weeks.
Fucking n- uh, I mean, entitlement people.
And you know and I know in all seriousness, that Tawanda and DuShawn really do exist, and that I’m not exaggerating. BUT THEY’RE NOT “ENTITLEMENT PEOPLE!” THEY’RE SCUM! GET IT RIGHT, PEOPLE!!
And they’re in a minority. And some of them are white.
But no matter how desperately working poor Americans need a little help to get by (did I mention “Republican-engineered?”) their “entitlements” are at risk because Tawanda and DuShawn are black.
And so is Mr. Obama. See? We wouldn’t be overrun with Tawanda and DuShawn if we’d been smart enough to elect the white guy!
The problem is that the president’s negritude has finally justified the faulty logic connection that “we knew all along that ni– um, er, that ‘entitlement people’ were getting stroked by the government, and now there’s proof!! Hey, I bet Tawanda’s a Muslim too!”
Obama, being naive enough to try to do the right thing instead of the um, er, n- thing, has failed to enact anything resembling welfare increases other than for the banking community (who are Rich White Men). He has reluctantly listened to a large and shrill number of the people he’s supposed to be leading in a democratic republic (instead of a dictatorship) and dragged his feet on gay rights, which isn’t all that bad, because that means people can still use the words “faggot,” “tranny,” and “dyke,” which will all go the way of the dodo once we elect a queer president and we have to pretend that our hatred isn’t really about their identity.
As a result, Tawanda and DuShawn won’t vote for him next year. (Well, DuShawn’s a felon, so never mind about that.) And neither will a lot of other people who wanted to see the poor bastard free the slaves, flog the corporations, and pull gold bricks out of his ass. All they got was a schmuck who was given the hardest job on the entire planet–and who happened to be black.
And then apparently forgot about it. Here’s the deal: He was elected because he was black; he’s blamed for everything because he’s black–but the voters won’t re-elect him because he apparently hasn’t been black enough. Because as we know, Tawanda and DuShawn are the only black people there are.
Poor bastard. Oh well, let’s bring on the neo-con white guy (or *shudder* gal) and see how the next four years go. I’m sure they’ll put the niggers back in their places. And all the rest of the entitlement people too.
Uh. Damn. (rifles through sock drawer for a spare Pulitzer)
🙂 Thank you! If that’s not the nicest thing somebody’s ever said about me/my writing, it’s definitely in the top ten. Hope you keep liking it!