• Who is this chick anyway?

Nova Terra

~ Just another way of stalling on my other writing

Nova Terra

Tag Archives: INTJ

That Time When the Weeks Disappeared

28 Saturday Mar 2020

Posted by lionsofmercy in Blog

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

ADHD, coronavirus, COVID-19, INTJ, Lent, life, time, work, workaholism, working, Zoom

“One day here is just like the others,” I wrote to my daughter, whom I was trying to invite for dinner. And truly, I feel as if I have fallen into an early agricultural sort of rhythm here: I have a task list, for which I am grateful, and a good bit of almost entirely unstructured time, for which I’m trying to be grateful. The temporal pillars of my life have crumbled, and I admit to sometimes feeling as if I am now drowning in the unchecked sands of Time.

I’m something of a worker bee, getting my strongest pieces of validation from job activities, and I can have little spasms of workaholism. My daughter has ordered me to take time off when I have it, but somehow things are different now.

I’m having the hardest time remembering the day of the week. I spent part of Tuesday morning prepping for a Zoom group I was facilitating–on Wednesday. Moreover, I have realized that the days of the week came with feelings, feelings I no longer have.

For example, I was supposed to be happy it’s Friday, because it’s my break from my challenging Wednesday–Thursday bloc. But Wednesday didn’t happen (no work, no daughter, no actual physical choir with all that deep breathing), so the only fallout from the resulting Thursday fatigue (still got to bed late, thanks to a Zoom meetup) was getting a sleep hygiene lecture from my therapist.

I made my own appointment calendar this year. I drew careful lines separating the days, and now all that ink is being erased in realtime, as one day fades into the next. I’m all about going with the flow, but something about that feels scary: What would happen if I just did what I felt like whenever I felt like it? For a lot of people, I daresay that would be a healthy and stress-free option, but I don’t work that way. It probably has something to do with being INTJ.

Something inside me says enough is enough, and I need to put myself on another schedule, one which embraces the home time and the weirdness and the whole schmeer that we’re floating in right now. (I have ADHD, and we do much better on a schedule, which helps fill in for our vacationing executive functions.) Right now I need to try to focus on intentionality, it being Lent, which is for me a time to do that anyway. A Lent with a very different sort of Easter at the end! I just hope I remember it’s Sunday when it gets here.

Advertisement

Because I don’t want to be fired . . .

22 Saturday Jun 2013

Posted by lionsofmercy in Blog

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

being fired, confidentiality, INTJ, mental health, mental illness, work

. . .  I just redacted my last post. It talked about stuff at work, and in a sort of recursive fashion talked about how they have a somewhat slavering belief in Being Very Careful About Email. Seeing as this is a blog, and I’m sure the dead-curious can find out who I am, I figured better safe than sorry. Damn it.

I was fairly annoyed when I wrote the post, and now having to self-censor makes me even more annoyed. However, I am sure my lack of skill at office politics will bite me in the ass sooner rather than later; I just hope like hell the kids have jobs by then. But then I can publish without being damned, bwah ha.

It’s a toughie–for so many of us, work is such a big part of our lives. How do you handle this, folks? I change names and small facts and try to be as anonymizing as possible. But I’m pretty sure that anything other than a glazed-eyed, slogan-spouting chirp will be seen as some sort of tragic heresy.

The slogan I’m thinking of is “Recovery is Real,” and it refers to the fact that people with mental illness can and do recover, using a combination of therapy, medication, recovery planning, and alternative therapies. It’s a powerful and exciting thing–I’m living proof of it–but sometimes . . .

. . . like any new idea, it can be kind of culty, and in a sense, we’re supposed to act like ministers for a religion that frowns on any critique of the church because it might be snapped up by the Evil Opposition. I’m not sure of who the E.O. are, as the concept of recovery is spreading like the good news it is.

But I’m an INTJ working with ESFPs (if that makes sense to you) and I totally fail at being circumlocutory. My emails have been harshed on because I keep confessing the emperor to be naked in matters great and small. It would help if the only professional training available didn’t only meet once a year with 30 slots; I’m pulling a lot of this out of my butt as I go along, and because for five months they just dumped me alone at my center, I haven’t even had the benefit of more experienced people in the field until just recently.

But in general, I do love the job, and am going to be telling myself so all week as I pull together a proposal for my first conference (woot!). God alone knows how *that* will be critiqued.

Le sigh.

Nova Terra

just another way of stalling on my other writing

Categories

  • Blog
  • Fiction
February 2023
M T W T F S S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728  
« May    

Blogroll

  • Aaaand it's my brand new Patreon page! (Still being set up.)
  • All the Google Doodles
  • And there's even a Google Doodle store!
  • BBC has all these nifty all-about-you tests . . .
  • Free downloadable SF books! Good ones! Really! Legit even!
  • Help transcribe the New York Public Library's menus! Minimal effort required!
  • Lunar Calendar
  • My YouTube favorites, in case you're bored or curious
  • Places to increase your mellow
  • rathergood.com. Well, pretty darn good.
  • The International Center for Bathroom Etiquette. Really. Awesome.
  • The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody
  • The Onion interview with God, September 2001
  • Translate Japanese characters to Roman letters
  • Want a koan? Pick a koan. Any koan.
  • What people of X height look like at Y weight

Stupid Art! doh!

  • Graph Paper of the Gods
  • The Museum of Bad Art

Stupid Writing! doh!

  • By golly, this is a pretty darn good Inuit-family language vocab site!
  • Lunar Calendar
  • Random noun generator
  • Revised Standard Version
  • The Bible

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Nova Terra
    • Join 169 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Nova Terra
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar