I am fighting off a migraine. Took Imitrex, which should work soon. Meanwhile, of the best things to do is to lie down in a quiet place and wait. Unfortunately, the quiet hasn’t been cooperating.

I was awakened about 45 minutes ago by meowing. VERY LOUD meowing. It didn’t sound like Ripley, but ya never know. Cats are creative. Pad-pad-pad. Nope, asleep on the couch. Pad-pad-pad. Maybe it’s stopped. (Five seconds later:) Nope.

wait-wait-wait *call Animal Control?* wait-wait-MEOWWWWW *alarm clock a lá Tom & Jerry* MEOWWWWW!!!!

jammies(no, don’t sleep in ’em)-pad-pad-open balcony door

Mr. Cat is on a windowsill two buildings down. He is patting and meowing at the closed window. Poor kitty!! What bastards! How dare they rent some other cat to violently tear out the screen and leave its shreds open to taunt you?

I know how destructive cats roll, and I can just picture the day-in, day-out scratching and pushing at that screen. My God, there’s a whole world out there! The damn thing’s just nylon! I have claws! I have beaten my owners into submission! Mwah-ha-ha-meow!!!

ME-OOWWWWWWW! MEOW! MEOWW! (lather-rinse-repeat at regular 2 second intervals)

Perseverance got him out; he is convinced it will get him back in.

Meanwhile, back at my ranch: Unfortunately and unfairly, the lady upstairs is très ghetto. MEOWW!!/I’ma fuck yo fuck-ass up!!/MEOWWWW!!!

This woman really does have the limited vocabulary our teachers told us about. I’m fuckin’ serious. That fuckin’ woman says “fuckin'” every other fuckin’ word. Fuckin’ drives me fuckin’ crazy! And she is fuckin’ loud. I’m serious. I can fuckin’ hear her fuckin’ screaming from her own fuckin’ apartment; outside on the fuckin’ stoop (where she is joined by people who mercifully listened to their teachers). She fuckin’ yells at her fuckin’ kids; she fuckin’ yells at the fuckin’ neighbors–

You get the point. I have never put “fuckin'” into command-V before. She is also audible through the bathroom vent. She does not just use the “f” word. She uses four f’s: fuckin’ forte forte fortissimo. She just doesn’t quit. She perseveres in her attempt to subdue her surroundings and make herself known and heard.

MEOWWWWW!!!!/(unintelligible and peppered with “fuckin'”/MEEOOOOOWWWWWW!

So much for retreating to the living room. No quiet choices here.

MEEOOWWWWW/Go get yo’ fuckin’ cat!!!! Fuckin’ asshole!!!!





Fuckin’ awesome.